just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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