I'm so fucking centered right now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
