A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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