you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
