If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
