She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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