its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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