If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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