he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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