i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
