Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize