I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your cock deserves a montage
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
