My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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