we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
