The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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