and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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