I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
