We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize