Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
