When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
