Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
