with your own penis?
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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