we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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