If that was your dad, he is hot
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
