Someone shit on the floor
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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