Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
