The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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