my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
