I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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