Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
