just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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