PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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