Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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