I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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