hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize