He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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