its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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