Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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