I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
