Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
