Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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