I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
