Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
