I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
