My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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