Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
