Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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