Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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