She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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