This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
soo... how was my night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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