we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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