There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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