we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
