I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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