My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
