I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
