How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
