you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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