When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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