Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
