so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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