two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
