Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
