Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
