i was born a porn star she said
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
