She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
