Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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