Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
