who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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