he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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