Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
