Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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